Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Election junk

This post is inspired from one of the coolest bitsian blog post which i read last year which was instrumental in pushing me into this time killing tirade of blogging, a cynical post on last year’s election by atin bhattacharya http://atinbhattacharya.blogspot.com/2008/08/why-so-serious-son.html.

This post is a combined effort (sounds like we are launching a satellite) of Prashanth aka pomp aka skyindian aka abhinav aka ramesh aka etc... and me.

The following are the points that we agree deliver if by some stroke of luck, anarchy or because of some cosmic catastrophe one of us is made prez.

1. Candle bulk booking – in the wake of this power crisis, let’s all burn candles, the ghoting season is coming soon(having A7 and A3 people in the same mess can’t make me think of anything else other than acads). Bulk bookings of candles and hand held fans will be carried out by SU. We are in contact with major candle makers who have agreed to supply candles of all sizes, colours, aroma, low on carbon emissions etc.

2. Super thrust nuclear powered flushes – we promise to have this new technology installed in all hostel bogs. Dirty bogs has given me nightmares after waking up in the morning. “Black Thunder” is also in fray so can’t take a risk.

3. Ghot Bunkers – these bunkers will be created for all the gaming addict CDC students who want to ghot but cant live without the deafening voices of bullets and fellow humans.

These bunkers will have all the audio (from canon’s bursting... to “Go!!!Go!!! Go!!!”) to keep the addicts sane while they try to study. In case of overwhelming urge to kill other souls, there will be baskets full of LGMF provided in the bunker.

4. Chewing gum defaulters – this point has been a matter of havoc for my co-author who has spent sleepless nights figuring out ways to punish the defaulters. An excerpt from his dormant domer blog

Chewing Gum on Chairs...Yuck!!!

If you have been a victim of this form of terrorism....Welcome to the club. We shall strongly comdemn these actions. These are acts of cowardice and the perpetrators shall be...er...ok..ok.

If you have done this blasphemy, be warned...the Mafia never forgets....one day your laptop keypad will be smeared with chewed gum ( only Center Fresh allowed ).”

5. Camels – it was great disappointment for most of the people who came from different parts of the country to study in the state of rajasthan and to find themselves bereft of camel rides. So camels will be available as a mode of transport in the campus. It will be available for sale in nutan market soon. Once everyone on the campus has a camel each, the next years freshers can buy the camels from psenti semites. They will be called camel pops.

6. Illumination- As the swine flu and rakhi sawant’s swayamvar has caused the nation huge emotional and mental loss respectively, we would like to conduct musical chair, tambola, rock-paper-scissors etc along with the few elite enlightened souls on campus who had set gym-g on fire last year.

Last but not the least (the original cliché) “this is a dictatorship, defaulters will be shot dead”

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