Monday, February 27, 2012

Hey You! Yes, I am talking to You

Disclaimer – I am having a mild fever and I will plead not-guilty, because of oscillating temperature induced insanity, in case you decide to sue. Also, my Employer has nothing to do with this post. Please don’t drag them in court or something, like it was done here by the great insititution which cannot be named. Yes Yes, the one which is beyond IIMs.

The following are yet another set of open letters. Read on.

Dear Shri Rahul Gandhi and Shrimati Sonia Gandhi,
I am a Christian. No madam, I am not blaming you. I am a Christian because I believe in it. So, ya. To tell you the fact, you are our only hope. The BJP decides to call itself not – secular, which is a bit scary. But Madam that doesn’t mean you appease us. I don’t want a reservation if I don’t deserve one (I will not say No though, if you are adamant on giving me one). It will be great if you can make us feel normal and not fight for our rights when at times we don’t need a fight. (Please protect us from anti-christian persecution though, there is a lot of it happening in remote villages). On a different topic please don’t let Rahul Baba become Big Brother (and you Big Aunty) ever. We don’t want super powerful PMs. Slightly more powerful than the current PM is fine.

Dear Congress Yes Mans,
I find it really strange that you, who are elder than Mr. Rahul Gandhi  in age give him unprecedented respect, often to the point of losing self respect. He might be the future of Indian Politics and blah but please don’t steal the thunder before it actually thunders.

Dear Mr. Kapil Sibal,
No point writing anything. It may not be fit to cross Sibal Pre-Screen anyway.

Dear Madam Sushma Swaraj,
You are a wonderful orator. Please make BJP secular. Please. Also, please keep Mr. Narendra Modi away from Center. I am scared of his beard.

Dear BJP,
I know you believe in simplicity. But that is not prudent at times. Being an opposition party DOESN’T mean you need to oppose everything… EVERYTHING. Your economic policies are almost similar to Congress. You would do almost the same things which Congress is doing right now (Ya, I know you don’t have Raja). So why fight? And as I write, you are preparing for Band(pronounced Bund) tomorrow. Opportunists!!

Dear Team Anna,
You are an exceptional set of people. But please don’t shake the semblance of order in this country. India is like a big elephant. If you agitate the sleeping elephant beyond a point, the elephant might run rampant.

Dear Baba Ramdev,
You are the best in the industry of Yoga. Politics is not the way to increase market cap. You may instead give offers like “Ek Shivir ke Saath ek Shivir Free”.

Dear Poonam Pandey,
You may feel like a politician as you don’t practice what you preach, but that is not good enough. Multitudes of people like you have failed. Even Rakhi Sawant lost it (check this) beyond insanity. Twitter is full of pervs. They don’t really love you.

Dear TOI,
I hate you, like I love you.

P.S. - Sagnik Datta almost didn't edit this post. Anup Jyoti Deka didn't edit this post.
P.P.S. - Post dedicated to Prashant Koshy. Thanks for the encouragement. 

Follow sushantkoshy on Twitter